There are certain places around my home where I feel as though I could be walking in another world. Far away from the hum, the constant dialogue. Where I feel alive.
I don't know whether it's having lived in a city for seven years or the fact that I come from the arse end of nowhere (Northey north-west Wales) but I feel alive when I can feel nature. I feel inspired when I see it. Any mood I'm feeling is replaced with the feeling of wholeness. I feel concluded. This is all I need, to be standing here and feeling whole. I feel it in my favourite place. And I feel it in these woods.
This September morning we photographed on our iphones whilst walking the dog, fists full of acorns hunting for a Totoro; was the begining of a feeling of gratification I've been enjoying recently. I try to feel content, and happy with the wonderful life I have. But I often worry if I do get content I'll get lazy, stop, not strive and therefore wake up feeling I've wasted years just being. But there's a balance of being and keeping on. I've spent too long looking forward to this or that and not really enjoying now. And now, I am feeling whole. I'm looking forward to each new chapter but living in the moment as it is. I won't ever get this stillness with Molly again. The long days of play, sitting on the carpet, hugging for hours. I won't get gentle painting, and quiet observation in the quantity I do now, ever again. And I feel whole. Being, and enjoying, and looking forward but staying in the now. Whole.